Dead Latias Sketch
by Detective Smithjones
Summary: Ash attempts to go on a date with Latias, only to discover she's dead. Chaos follows. Parody.


This is yet another parody. Once again, almost everyone is out of character. All credit goes to Monty Python.

_The scene opens out on a sunny view of Bianca's house, Altomare. Suddenly, Ash is seen st__orming down the street, carrying a motionless Latias in his arms. He enters Bianca's house._

Ash (angrily): I wish to register a complaint!

_Bianca continues to eat her cereal, and does not respond to Ash's shouting._

Ash: _Hello!?_

Bianca (disgruntled): There's no need to shout.

Ash (in a calmer voice): I'm sorry. I wish to register a complaint.

Bianca: I'm eating breakfast!

Ash: Never mind that, Bianca! I wish to complain about this Pokemon that you told me would be perched on the balcony, waiting for me.

Bianca: Yes, Latias. What's wrong with her?

Ash (through clenched teeth): She's dead, that's what's wrong with her!

Bianca: No, she's just resting.

Ash: Look, Bianca I know a dead Pokemon when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now!!

Bianca: no, no! She's just resting! Remarkable Pokemon, Latias! Lovely plumage!

Ash (aggravated): The plumage doesn't matter. She's stone dead.

Bianca: No! She's just resting!

Ash; Alright then, If she's resting, I'll wake her up!

_Ash begins to shout at Latias' motionless form. Bianca winces with each yell. _

Ash (In a shout): Hello, Latias!! I've got some nice Pokeblock here for you when you wake up!!

_Bianca__ nudges Latias._

Bianca: There, she moved.

Ash: No, that was you pushing her!

Bianca: I didn't!

Ash: Yes, you did!

_Ash le__ans down and begins to bellow into the ear of his beloved. _

Ash (loudly): HEELLLOOO, LATIAS!!!! LAA-TIAS!! LATIAS! WAKE UP!

_Ash begins to slap Latias' face. There is no response._

Ash (even louder): TESTIIING! TESTINNG! THIS IS YOUR NINE O'CLOCK ALARM CALL!!!!!

_Ash repeatedly slaps Latias, but there is still no response._

Ash: LAAAATTIIAASSS!!!!!!

_Ash throws his motionless girlfriend onto the table, rattling the saucers._

Ash (panting): Now that's what I call a dead Pokemon.

Bianca: No, no, she's just…err, stunned.

Ash: STUNNED?!

Bianca: yeah, you just stunned her as she was waking up just now! Latias stuns easily, Ash.

Ash: Look, Bianca. I've had just about enough of this. Latias is definitely deceased, and when I saw her not an hour ago, you told me that the reason why she was still was that she had been tired out after a long flight.

Bianca: Well, then, she's probably mourning for her brother.

_Ash is at loss for words._

Ash: MOURNING FOR HER BROTHER?!? What kind of talk is that?! Look, why did she fall flat onto her back the moment I got her inside?!

Bianca: Latias prefers sleeping on her back! Beautiful Pokemon, lovely plumage.

Ash (Barely able to conceal his rage): Look, I took the liberty of examining her, and I discovered that the only reason why she had been sitting on the balcony in the first place was that she had been glued there.

Bianca (uncomfortably): Well of course she was glued there, if she hadn't she would have tackled you, pulled off your clothes and then VOOM!

Ash: VOOM?!

_Ash picks Latias up off the table._

Ash: Bianca, Latias wouldn't VOOM if I hooked her up to an Electivire! She's bleeding demised!

Bianca: She's not! She's mourning-

Ash: She's not MOURNING, she's passed on! Latias is no more! She has ceased to be! She's expired and gone to meet her brother! She's a stiff! Bereft of life, she rests in peace! This is a late Pokemon! If you hadn't glued her to the balcony, she'd be pushing up the daisies! She's kicked the bucket, dropped off the twig, rundown the curtain and gone to join the choir invisible! She's shuffled off her mortal coil! THIS IS AN EX-POKEMON!!!

Bianca (quietly): Well, I guess I'd better arrange her funeral.

_Bianca totters into a back room, and begins to look through a phone book._

Ash (muttering): if you want anything done in this world, you've got to complain until you're blue in the mouth.

_Bianca emerges, yawning._

Bianca: I'm sorry; I can't find the funeral number.

Ash (getting angry): I see, I get the picture.

Bianca: I've got the pizza number.

Ash (with a smile): Does it make tombstones?

Bianca: No, not really.

Ash (in a shout): Well it's hardly a bloody replacement, IS IT!?!

Bianca: Listen, tell you what, if you'll go to my sister's in Hoenn, shell arrange a funeral.

Ash: Hoenn, eh?

Bianca: Yeah.

Ash: All right.

_Ash sets off, boards a ferry, and, thanks to fast-forward technology, is there in three seconds. Bianca is just sticking a false mustache onto her face as Ash walks in. Ash finds that Bianca's sister's house_

_Is quite similar to the one he just left, including Latias, the half-eaten breakfast, and the phone book, still open to "pizza"._

Ash: I'm sorry, is this Hoenn?

Disguised Bianca: No, this is Sinnoh.

Ash (at the camera): Well, that's the inter-region ferry system for you.

_Ash goes to the ferry station, and heads for a desk marked "complaints". He addresses the __attendant (Jessie, James, and Meowth) on duty._

Ash: Hello, I wish to register a complaint.

Meowth: We don't have to do this job, you know!

Ash: What?

Jessie: I'm a qualified nurse, we only do this 'cause we like being in charge!

Ash: Excuse me, this is irrelevant?

James: Well, yes…

Ash: I wish to register a complaint! I got on the Hoenn ferry, and it turned out to be Sinnoh!

Meowth (confused): No, this is Hoenn.

Ash (scandalized): Bianca's sister was lying!

James: well, you can't blame Team Rocket for that.

Ash: If this is Hoenn, I shall return to the house!

_Ash storms into the supposed house of Bianca's nonexistent sister._

Ash: I understand this Is Hoenn.

Bianca (Still wearing the mustache): Yes?

Ash: You told me it was Sinnoh!

Bianca: It-it's a pun.

Ash (puzzled): A pun!?

Bianca: no, no, not a pun, one of those things that reads the same backwards and forwards?

Ash: A-a palindrome?

Bianca: Yeah! A palindrome!

Ash: It's NOT a palindrome!! The palindrome of Hoenn would be Nnoeh!

Bianca: So, what do you want?

Ash (tearing at his hair): I'm sorry; I refuse to pursue this matter any further as is getting too silly!

Bianca: Silly, Ash?

Ash: And take off that mustache!

Bianca (taking off the mustache): Silly, Ash?

Ash: Yes, silly! I come here with a perfectly reasonable complaint, and you, you b*tch, have done nothing but make my afternoon a comedy of errors!!! This, therefore, is SILLY!

_He collapsed down next to Latias and starts weeping, to illustrate his point._

Bianca (ashamed): Yeah, silly.

_After a while, Ash stops crying and gets up._

Bianca (hesitantly): Do you…Do you want to go get something to eat?

Ash: Yeah, yeah, alright.

_They go out the door, revealing that they are still in Altomare. As they head for a snack bar, Max, Brock, and May climb out of a tree, holding a video camera and a telescopic lens._

Max: Did you guys get all that?

Brock (putting the gear into his bag): Yeah, yeah we did.

May: Following them around was a pain, but it was worth it!

Brock: So, what next? Do we kill his Pikachu?

May: Nah, let's wait until later, and then blackmail him with this tape!

Max: Then we'll kidnap his Pikachu and hold it for ransom!

Brock (looking at Max): You have dirty thoughts for a little kid.

_They head off after Ash and Bianca, laughing._

_THE END_

_Please review._


End file.
